Thoughts on the Dr Phil interview with the mother of Michael Brown

I used to like Dr Phil. I mean, catchy southern expressions, and a “say it like it is”  discussion, what’s not to like? But after the recent interview with the Mother of Michael Brown, I’m not sure I can support him any longer. Brother Kenneth Hagin used to say “Be as smart as an old cow, eat the hay and spit out the sticks”, so I can tolerate some things from people that I disagree with.But his seeming anti-police (and in this case anti-Darren Wilson) thoughts can not be tolerated.

Look, are we still sticking by the “he was a good kid” story? Haven’t we seen the videos of not only the store robbery moments before, but other videos that testify that his character wasn’t quite as wholesome as some would have us believe?  Come on, both investigations cleared Wilson. The actual facts, scientific evidence, lines up with his story, not the “hands up, don’t shoot” lie that was told time after time. it’s been said “If you tell a lie long enough people start to believe it”, and the “Hands up” is just that kind of lie.  so I am asked to make a choice between an officer with a good record whose story is backed by facts, or the story told by a criminal about a FELON (which is what Brown became after his assaults) which has no basis in fact. I think I know which story I would choose.

Then he asks”Has anyone apologized?” I seem to recall Darren Wilson saying he was sorry it happened in his interview. But even if that is not the case, why should I expect a man to say “I’m sorry that I chose to defend my own life against a much larger man that was attacking me?”

The apologies need to come FROM the Brown family and those who surrounded them that kept the lies going. To Darren Wilson for having to defend his life from a criminal attack.To the city of Ferguson of which they said “Burn this @#$%@ down” and to the shop owners in Ferguson who lost their livelihood because the crowd was incited by the lie that Brown was just a good kid and Wilson was the monster. And an apology to every cop who has hesitated in the moment when they have to choose to defend themselves from a criminal attack because they are afraid of being the next Darren Wilson. And to every one of us who were called racists, bigots, or backwater hillbillies who dared to show their support for Darren Wilson.

Sorry Dr Phil, this one was over the top.

Captain America : Civil War

I saw Captain America: Civil War tonight with my family. I absolutely hated it, but not for the reasons you may think. It had lots of action. The acting was good, as were the effects. There were good lines and funny scenes. It held my attention for the length of the movie.

(Spoiler warning)What I hated is this (and maybe I’m just too analytical): Here is a bunch of “super heroes” who can figure out each other’s weaknesses and fight each other, but they can not see that the true enemy is not each other but DIVISION. Then near the end of the movie ONE of them figures it out AND KEEPS IT TO HIMSELF. I wanted to scream in the theater. Seriously.

But the more I think about it, the more I think that it sometimes resembles our workplaces and our families. We are close to each other and know what makes them tick. We know what gets to them and where the buttons are. Yet, we fail to come together and fight for each other and instead we fight each other. Sometimes the reality is this: It’s easier to “grab someone’s throat” then it is to “have their back”.

And we do it on hundreds of ways. Someone comes after your wife and you’ll fight to the death. She has a bad day and instead of being there you want to fight back. Drop a 99 and everyone comes running ( as they should) , but it something happens on the jurisdiction lines…well you know how that works.

Sometimes we are so busy that we fail to see where the real battles of our life are, and how insignificant the ones we choose to fight are. John Maxwell says “Teamwork makes the dream work”, but sometimes just fail each other.

So I guess the reason I hated the movie is because I have lived it, and maybe in some sense still do. But that’s what all good parables, stories, and lessons do. Show us what makes us mad, then holds up a mirror to our lives. It changes a “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” to an ” Ouch, that hurts. ”

So what “team” are you failing, what “team” can you do more for? What areas do you need to grow? I know what my answers are. What about you?

Police Week 2016 Prayer Points

Police Week 2016 Prayer Points

Each year I post some prayer thoughts for Police Week. Most of this is taken from a note I did in 2012, but added some modifications each year. For all my law enforcement friends, spouses, and Chaplains: If you think of anything to add, let me know!

I’m asking all my friends to pray for our Police Officers this week more than any other. Even now as the anti-police movement continues to stir hatred of our officers, it is up to us to keep them in our prayers. May 15-21 this year is Police Week. It was designated by President Kennedy in “recognition of the service given by the men and women who, night and day, stand guard in our midst to protect us through enforcement of our laws”. I’ve listed some “prayer targets” for each day. This is a work in progress, so as I find things or as other officers give me suggestions, I’ll update the list. Also, you will see some action “ideas”. The book of James tells us that “faith without works is dead.” So do something. Get involved. Be kind. Make a difference.

Note: National Peace Officers Memorial Day falls on Sunday, May 15 in 2016. Because National Police Week takes place during the calendar week on which May 15 falls, this year’s official National Police Week dates are Sunday, May 15, 2016 through Saturday, May 21, 2016. However, several annual events will take place before May 15.

Romans 13:1-4 tells us “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.”

Friday 13th-Sunday 15th – Safe trips to DC, local memorials

Monday 16th – Community support for officers
-Prayer targets:
— Officers would be honored in the communities they serve.
— Officers would not be hated for doing their job-upholding the law and correcting law-breakers.
-Ideas:
— Officers love simple tokens of appreciation. By their lunch when one is in the drive-thru behind you.
— When you see businesses giving officer discounts, let the manager/owner know that you appreciate that.
— Get involved. Call/visit your local police department (during business hours) and ask them what you can do to help.
— Post blue lights in your windows to show your respect for officers.
— Join/start a neighborhood watch.
— Greet them when you see them in public.

Tuesday 17th – Officer Safety
-Prayer targets:
— That no department would have to choose something else over officer safety due to small budgets.
— Officers would have wisdom and safety in all situations.
— Pray Isaiah 54:17 -No weapon formed against them shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against them in judgment will be condemned.
-Ideas:
— Have your house number in a location where it can be seen in the event they need to respond to you.
— Only use 911 in cases of emergency.
— If you are stopped pull over as far to the right as possible so that, when the officer comes up to your widow, he or she won’t have to worry about being clipped by vehicles in the right lane.
— Do NOT get out of your car unless the officer asks you to do so.
— If a police car is coming behind you with its siren blaring or emergency lights flashing, pull over to the right safely and quickly.

Wednesday 18th – Officer families
Note: Officers have a higher rate of divorce than the general public.
-Prayer targets:
— That the families might know peace when their loved ones are on duty.
— That the families have understanding when the officer they love is under stress.
— That officers would be able to separate work and home, and that their families can support them in times of stress, and know that their stress is not directed to them.
-Ideas:
— If you are fortunate enough to know a police officer, offer to babysit while they go out with their wives.
— If you know an officer and you can see he is having a rough time, just be available. They don’t have to tell you what’s going on, but they may need someone to talk to.
— If an officer tells you something in confidence, KEEP IT IN CONFIDENCE. Don’t tell the neighborhood that an officer is struggling in their marriage.
— Be good neighbors and human beings. How do you want people to treat YOUR family?

Thursday 19th – Officer Seclusion, isolation
-Prayer targets:
— That an officer will never feel isolated from his peers or superiors.
— That an officer will never feel like they are facing their struggles alone.
— Pray that God would send good and trustworthy friends into their lives.
-Ideas:
— If you are fortunate enough to know a police officer, invite their family to your house for a cookout.
— When you see an officer, discretely and kindly ask if they would like you to pray for anything. And don’t be offended if you hear “No.”

Friday 20th – Mental stress, anxiety, suicides
Note: Most officers will shy away from talking about this. Officers are taught control from day one. If they are not in control, someone could die. When officers lose the ability to control their circumstances, self-doubt may set in. Officer suicides are two times higher than the general public.
-Prayer targets:
— That an officer will not struggle with self-doubt.
— That an officer will never feel like they are facing their struggles alone.
— Pray that departments would give good stress detection and suicide prevention programs.
— Pray that officers would always see a way through the pain and struggles they face.
— Ability to relax off-duty – Officers are human beings and need to rest.
-Ideas:
— If you are fortunate enough to know a police officer, invite their family to your house for a cookout.
— If an officer tells you something in confidence, KEEP IT IN CONFIDENCE. Don’t tell the neighborhood that an officer is struggling in his marriage.
— When you see an officer, discretely and kindly ask if they would like you to pray for anything. And don’t be offended if you hear “No.”

Saturday 21st- Departments and families of 2015 Line of Duty deaths
Note: There were 128 deaths in the “Line of Duty” in 2015 with am additional 27 K9 officers. Over 100 departments across the United States will honor names added to “the wall” in DC.
-Prayer targets:
— That officers and families would experience healing from the pain of their loss.
— That departments would develop programs for support before they are needed.
— Pray that officers would not experience “survivor’s guilt” .
-Ideas:
— Contact your local police department/Sheriff’s office to see if they have any memorial events. Attend them.
— If your local dept has memorial gardens, plaques, or stones, visit them. They died protecting you and your family.

Distribution: Please distribute to all law enforcement personnel – Police Week 2016

As always, I want to say thank you to everyone who has made it possible for me to distribute this message. I cannot express my gratitude enough for your assistance. I also want to thank you, the reader. While I can’t visit with each of you individually, I can, however, remind and show you that people DO care. This message is being read by departments of all shapes, sizes and locations. To each of you, welcome. I know you’re busy and you do a lot to get ready for your shift. So thank you for reading and I hope it will be beneficial to you.

May 11-17, 2016 marks the period that we call “Police Week”.  In 1962, President Kennedy designated May 15 as Peace Officers Memorial Day, when we set aside a time of “recognition of the service given by the men and women who, night and day, stand guard in our midst to protect us through enforcement of our laws”. I, like a lot of you, will attend memorials or private ceremonies. Some of you may just gather together to reminisce about our fallen comrades. Most of us will do something so we remember them and never forget what they have done for us.

As Cicero wrote, “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” During this time, I think it is fitting to ask ourselves “What am I doing to bring honor to their memory?” The way I look at it, I’m the product of many people back in my family tree.  I could be dramatically different, or maybe not even be here today if one of those couples had not met. I might not think the same; feel the same, like the same things. So I feel that I owe it to them, to my family, both here and no longer living, to be the best version of me that I can. The harsh reality of that, however, is that some days I live up to that, and some days I don’t.

So how does that affect us in our career? How do we bring honor to those who have come before us in our career? Here are a couple of thoughts that I think may help us do that.

1) Live life to the fullest.  This means different things to different people. Donate time to a church or charity. Volunteer in the neighborhood or homeless shelter. Play basketball with the neighborhood kids. Attend a 12 step program or finally kick that habit that has been a thorn in your side.  Maybe start a group workout.  Help someone with a hobby you have in common.

2) Never stop growing. Life is an unending series of changes. Make some on your terms. Never stop training. Never stop learning. Read a book, take some training time, learn another language, skill or talent.

3) Tell the stories for those that came before us. Those that are just starting their careers need to hear the stories of those that came before us. Why do we do things a certain way? There is probably a good reason, find it and tell the story. That guy who told great jokes when someone was having a tough day, tell his story. Share the stories of those officers that your department has on a memorial wall. Set aside a day in the memory of an officer to do special events in your community, or to the less fortunate.

4) Learn from costly lessons. Some of the changes in the way we do things are learned by sacrifices of those before us, like seat belts, vests, back up weapons, traffic stop safety etc. Learn their stories, share them, and motivate yourself and others to prevent the deaths and injuries we can prevent by heeding those lessons. When we attach a name and face to something, we work together to prevent it from happening again. Take those accidents from the realm of “statistics” or something that happens somewhere else and allow it to motivate us to help one person at a time, maybe that officer that may be in roll call with us next time.

For all law enforcement reading this, I’m praying for a peaceful and safe week for you: safe traffic stops, safe building searches, and safe DV calls. I pray for a time of healing for the departments reading this who have had a loss in the last year, or with a loss that continues to hurt. I pray that those of you making trips to Washington and state memorials will have a safe trip. For those who are attending a memorial to honor a fallen brother or sister, I pray for healing. But most of all, I hope now more than ever, there is an outpouring of appreciation form the communities that you serve.

In closing, thank you for who you are, and all you do. I’ve said it before and will say it for the remainder of my days. You all are heroes. I don’t know how often you hear it, but I’m certain it’s not nearly enough.

 

Dr. Mike A. Crain I, D.Min.
Chaplain
Huber Heights, OH 45424
Blog: https://chaplainthoughts.wordpress.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DoctorMichael

Please distribute to all Police, Paramedic, Fire and Dispatch personnel – Merry Christmas 2015

First, I again want to say thank you to all the Chiefs, Sheriffs, Officers, Administrators, and fellow Chaplains who have made it possible for me to distribute this message.

I wish you and your families a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. For those of you in stations or cars working during the holidays, we appreciate the sacrifices you and your family are making while ensuring our safety and security. It does not go unappreciated or unnoticed.

The sights and sounds of the holidays, can be like a breath of fresh air to people. Good tidings, carols, and a season of giving. But to some, it can be difficult this time of year, and one of the reasons is regrets. Regret is a powerful emotion, and can ruin our lives if we allow it. So in this note, I’m going to give us a few pointers on dealing with regrets.

  1. Some of you may be thinking “Why regrets? It’s the Holidays. Why not pick a much lighter topic?” There are people who have tough times, and it may be someone you know, or it could be you. It’s important for people to know they are not alone.
  2. We all have regrets. Some are big and some are small. We regret not saying how we felt to that person the last time we saw them, or we regret that we didn’t lose that extra 5 pounds this year. Some are painful, and some are just tedious things that adds to tomorrows “to do list”. Playwright Arthur Miller once said “Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.”
  3. Regrets can make us better people...if we allow it. Regrets can make us more open to talk to people. They can inspire us to go to the gym more often. They can encourage us to look for more ways to make a difference. Regrets can make us want to go back to school, or to take that additional training.
  4. Regrets can be positive or negative…we choose the outcome. Regret can propel you forward, or hold you back. Sometimes we just need assistance in understanding their significance or our next course of action.
  5. Others may have the key that unlocks our regrets. I know when I have experienced regrets, and I have talked it over with others, they were able to see actions that I could take, even when I could not.

 

2016 is just around the corner. What changes do you want to make? Can your life be happier? I believe it can. Can the regrets of yesterday be the encouragement of tomorrow? I absolutely believe they can. If you need assistance, REACH OUT! If you need assistance and don’t know who to talk to, just drop me a note.

During the holidays, I always put in this information, because I know that someone may need it. The holidays are meant to be times of joy, happiness, time with those we love and hope. While it can produce stress for even the best of us, for some of you can be a time of sadness, frustration or depression. It can be hard to balance out what you have to deal with and still know that there are great people in society as well. I also know that it’s hard for us to reach out sometimes (and I’m no exception to this rule). If you find yourself struggling in this holiday season, don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance. Your departments may have Employee Assistance Care, Chaplains, Chiefs, and any other Supervisor available for help. There is also other Clergy and/or even friends for guidance and assistance should you need it. My phone is always on and I’ll make myself available to help you in any way that I can. Call us, grab us after roll call, send an email. Reach out if you need to.

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and best wishes for 2016. I’ve said it before and will say it again, you all are heroes. I don’t know how often you hear it, but I’m certain it’s not nearly enough.

Distribution: Please distribute to all Police, Fire, Dispatch and EMS personnel – Happy Thanksgiving 2015

As always, I want to say thank you to everyone who has made it possible for me to distribute this message. I cannot express my gratitude enough for your assistance. I also want to thank you, the reader. You’re busy and the fact that you are taking a few minutes to hear what I have to say is humbling. I hope you walk away a better or happier person because of it.

During the month of November, lots of people go to social media to daily list something they are thankful for. There are the usual staples of spouse, kids, parents, other family members, friends, their church, etc. The kind of gratitude that warms your heart, puts a “spring in your step”, and just makes you feel good. There are others I have seen, however that are shall we say, unconventional.

– That I’m not a turkey.
– Indoor toilets.
– McKayla Maroney’s “not impressed” face.
– That I “have” to work the day after Thanksgiving, so no shopping for me!
– Facebook . . . because with it, I have visual proof that my friends are eating well.
– I am thankful my kids are finally at an age where they’ll watch my shows with me, instead of making me watch their shows with them. I’m pretty sure Disney😄 was causing my brain to atrophy.
– Any day my spouse doesn’t have a saved segment of Dr. Phil backing them up on something.
– I am thankful that I don’t look anything like the portraits my kids draw of me.

Any counselor, pastor, or 12 step program will tell you that being thankful is a key to living a happy life. We all tend to look at the things we don’t have or that we wish we didn’t have, and I’m just as guilty as anyone. Sometimes just listing the things you are thankful for will improve (even drastically improve) your attitude and you moods. So what are you thankful for? What makes you smile when you think about it? I encourage you to take the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas and do some “homework”:
– Write out a list of things you are thankful for, no matter how big or small.
Things like pets, places, food, and hobbies. My list includes the Red River Gorge, Ale-8 (a Kentucky soft drink), and the Florida Marlins. It doesn’t have to be big things.
– Write down a list of people that you are glad you know and have made contributions to your life.
– Write down a list of surprises that made you happy (Finding $10 in the parking lot, someone buying my lunch, surprise birthday party, etc.)

And then once you have your list, see if you can add anything regularly. Consciously LOOK for things to be happy for and see if you don’t feel better.

Finally, as we approach “the holidays”, we all know that the holidays can be a time of sadness, frustration or depression. If you find yourself struggling in this holiday season, don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance. Your departments may have Employee Assistance Care, Chaplains, Chiefs, other supervisors, clergy and/or even friends for guidance and assistance should you need it. I’ll make myself available to help you in any way that I can. Call us, grab us after roll call, or send an email. Reach out if you need to. Life is a battle best fought with others.
I’ve said it in every email, and every chance I get. I’ve said it to the chiefs and administrators when I contact them. I’ve said it to you on the parks and restaurants. You all are heroes. I don’t know how often you hear it, but I’m certain it’s not nearly enough.

Distribution: Please distribute to all Law Enforcement, Dispatch, Paramedic and Fire personnel – 9/11/2015

Distribution: Please distribute to all Law Enforcement, Dispatch, Paramedic and Fire personnel

First, I want to say another thank you to everyone who has made it possible for me to distribute this message. I cannot express my gratitude enough for your assistance.

As I write this, Patriot Day is less than two weeks away. It is a day or remembrance for what we lost in the attacks on 9/11. Just under 3000 people lost their lives that day. 343 firefighters, 71 officers, 8 private EMT’s and a K9 gave the “last full measure of devotion” that day and over 100 more since then due to some type of 9/11 related illness.

In today’s environment, things are getting more and more tense. We appear to be getting more and more divided and more and more hateful. And it would be easy, almost natural in fact, to let this dictate what we do. It would be easy to allow all the hate and division to weigh on us. We can let the death threats, the physical attacks and the hate of some to rule us. When Firefighters are assaulted for trying to put out a fire started by an arsonist, a EMT is attacked just trying to give people CPR, not to mention the attacks against our police, it would be real easy to just give in, or give up. But we shouldn’t. I’m not saying it’s not hard. I’m saying we should fight that urge. I’m saying that we keep gearing up, and suiting up, and never giving up. Because it only takes one. What do I mean?

  1. One More Person – Sure the last ones may have been tough. But the very next person you come in contact with could be the one you save. YOU could be the one keeping them alive until they get to the doctor, who comes back to tell you how much that means to them. You could be that voice in the dark times that pulls them through tragedy.
  2. One More Try – Maybe the next person was thinking about ending their lives, and because YOU cared enough to try, the decided to give life and hope another change.
  3. One More Report – Maybe an act or something you say on your next call helps a citizen decide to stop their a bad habit, turn from a life on the edge of the law, stop smoking, stop making bad life choices. I know sometimes we get into the rut of thinking that no one can change when we deal with the same people a lot.
  4. One More Day – Sure today may have been bad, or even horrible. But tomorrow CAN be different.

I know that sometimes we try not to hope, because let’s be honest, sometimes the good thing never happens. But if we give up now, we might miss out on what could be one of the best days of our careers or even lives. I’ll leave you with this:

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn’t dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean. As he got closer he called out,”Good morning! What are you doing?”

The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish in the ocean.”

“I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”

“The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”

“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”

Your next person could be “that one”. So if you find yourself struggling, ask someone you trust, ask a Chaplain, ask that trusted co-worker, or you can always email or call me.

I’ve said it in every email. I’ve said it to the chiefs and administrators when I contact them. You all are heroes. I don’t know how often you hear it, but I’m certain it’s not nearly enough.